As I Lay Dying
by hannersbananers44
Summary: All Gail feels is the bullet as it pierces the skin above her vest, right in the hollow of her neck.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hey all! So this is my first Rookie Blue fic. If you ask me, Gail is the best part of this show and I love her and Holly as a couple. So adorable. That being said, this story is not fluffy. You have been warned.

AN2: This is where I write that none of the characters belong to me and that all mistakes are mine and all that good stuff. I'm just doing this for fun. I hope you like it and I would love to hear what y'all think.

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"1534 we have a 911 call. 10-66. Near your location. 68 Brookhaven Drive." The sound of the radio interrupts the silence in the car. The usual witty banter between Gail and Oliver gone with the lateness of the hour.

"Unit 1534. We got it." Oliver's voice seems louder than usual. Or maybe it's just that everything else is abnormally quiet.

As they pull up to the address and stop the squad car, one look between the pair of them is all either of them needs. They know this routine, they've done it countless times before. Their eyes strain to see the buildings in front of them as they step outside the car and begin to clear the area around the house.

"I'll clear the side." Gail calls as she heads into the alley between the two buildings. Oliver is no more than 100 feet behind her when the gun goes off, the sound deafening against the otherwise silent neighborhood.

She doesn't even see the shooter. All Gail feels is the bullet as it pierces the skin above her vest, right in the hollow of her neck. It's only a matter of seconds before she loses consciousness, and it's during those last precious seconds that one final memory flashes before her eyes.

It is interesting that Gail remembered what she did, especially when we consider all of the events throughout her life. Events that, at the time, seemed both meaningful and important. Yet only one served as the final memory of Officer Gail Peck.

For instance, she remembered nothing from her childhood. All of the days she and Steve spent playing cops and robbers with the toy guns they had gotten for Christmas. How annoyed she got every time her stupid older brother made her play the bad guy. Gail didn't remember the time she broke her arm because the boys in her neighborhood had dared her to jump out of the treehouse in her backyard. She didn't cry only because she knew if she did, she would never hear the end of it. The doctor in the Emergency Room had offered her a pink cast, but Gail had refused. Red was her favorite color after all.

Gail didn't remember anything about her days in the academy. The classes, the exams, the grueling hours of training. Not one single detail from those five months of hell. She didn't remember the first time she stepped through the doors of 15 Division. How quickly the adrenaline had flooded her veins once she realized that she had finally made it. All of her hard work had paid off and she was part of the best division in the city.

Nothing from her first six months on the job crossed her mind either. She didn't remember her first undercover assignment, the first time she fired her weapon or the first time she drove the squad car. She didn't even remember the first time she screwed up. It was hard being a rookie, but it was even harder living up to the expectations that came with being a Peck. Yet Gail didn't remember handling the pressure the same way she handled everything else: with her trademark sarcasm and plenty of alcohol. She didn't remember the day their ties were cut and they officially lost the title of rookie, or anything else about the job following that day. Not when Nick and Chloe joined 15. Not when her uniform was stolen. Not when she was abducted. Not the night that Jerry died. None of it.

Gail didn't remember that most of the time not spent on the job or sleeping was spent at the Penny. She didn't remember any of the hours spent there after work drinking and laughing over something that had happened that day. Nor did she remember Dov and Chloe's obsession with trivia or the night all of the rookies had to get themselves out of handcuffs. It didn't matter if the goal was to remember or to forget, someone from 15 was always there. They went there to celebrate Frank and Noelle's engagement, and they went there after Jerry died. Traci had tried so hard to read his whole speech without crying, but the last part had been too much. Gail didn't remember taking the speech out of her hands and reading the last bit for her. She didn't remember the quiet that had settled over the room, the air heavy with the words she had just read. How, even amidst the grief, their bond as a unit… as a family… had grown stronger.

In fact she didn't remember anything about the people at 15. Not her fellow rookies or the veterans who had made her a better cop. Gail didn't remember Nick, or Chris, or Dov, or any of the other guys who she had added to her long list of failed relationships. She didn't remember Oliver, or Andy, or Traci, who had been the closest to family Gail had ever had. She didn't remember how easy it had been for her to push those people away. To keep them at a distance. To build up walls so high that no one even bothered to try knocking them down anymore. When suddenly she looked around and realized that she was alone. When her attempts to fix things had only managed to make them worse. Gail didn't remember anything after life had knocked her down so many times that all she had left was her pride to keep her going.

But then there was Holly. How Gail wished she could hang on to every small, insignificant detail, but she couldn't. She didn't remember that the first time they met, they were surrounded by woods and a pile of bones. Gail had called Holly "Lunchbox" and she had snapped right back with a lecture on medical jurisprudence. She didn't remember the countless hours they had spent together in the morgue. Not when Holly identified the remains they found in the woods or when Chris' son went missing. Even amidst the chaos of her job, the world seemed to stand still when she was there. She would've easily spent the rest of her life there, watching Holly as she focused on her work. Yet Gail didn't remember any of that either.

She didn't remember anything about Frank and Noelle's wedding. Not the ceremony, the dancing, the forced conversation, or hiding in the coat closet and drinking champagne with Holly. She didn't remember when Holly kissed her. How soft and warm Holly's lips felt against hers. How that simple, little kiss set her body on fire and left her craving more.

Gail didn't remember that night in the hospital. The whole division was there waiting to hear about Sam, Chloe, and Oliver and she chose that moment to come out to her brother. Not that she had regretted it, but her timing had never been the best. She left soon after that. The hospital had been teeming with cops anyways. No one would miss her and she had her own issues to work through. She didn't remember impulsively cutting off all her hair, as if doing so would erase all of the heartache and disappointment of her past. She didn't remember sitting in the bathtub either. How the bourbon had burned her throat, but at least made her feel something. It had given her something to focus on that wasn't the huge question mark that was her future. Her friends could be dead by morning and who knew what would happen as soon as the news of her and Holly had gotten out.

And Holly. Her sweet, beautiful Holly. Who had been by her side the entire night. The girl who had held her hand in the hospital waiting room and listened to her rant and fixed her hair because Gail had been too drunk to do it herself. Gail didn't remember when Holly leaned in to kiss her. The spray of the shower, ice cold against her skin, did nothing to quell the heat slowly rising through her core. Right then Gail knew her life had changed. But still she didn't remember the moment Holly had turned her life into a fairy tale.

This is what Gail remembered.

She awoke to a lone strip of sunlight streaming through the crack in the blinds covering the lone window in Holly's bedroom. Instinctively, she stretched one arm across the bed in search of warmth, but instead only felt the cool of the sheets beneath her palm. It was only then that Gail opened her eyes and scanned the room. The clock on the nightstand read 6:08 AM; way too early to be awake. It was Sunday and both of them had the day off, so it made no sense that Holly wasn't still fast asleep. That girl could sleep through a hurricane, which was exactly what she did every time Gail had to be at the station before the sun came up.

Still rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she rolled out of bed and walked silently down the hall in search of Holly. The smell of coffee floated towards Gail, pulling her down the stairs and towards the kitchen, where she suddenly came to a stop.

Her hair was in a braid down the center of her back. A few loose strands had fallen out and around her face, obscuring her vision as she leaned against the kitchen counter. Normal people read the paper in the morning, but not the nerd, as Gail so affectionately referred to her. Nope. Holly had her face buried in some medical journal, her features twisted in concentration as she read about the effects some disease had on some population in some remote tribe in Africa, or something like that. Gail didn't really know, she just knew that she probably wouldn't understand more than two words of it. Seriously though, who made their brain work that hard when it was that early in the morning. Only Holly. That was one of the many things Gail didn't understand and probably would never understand about the magnificent creature in front of her. Like why she made the Y-incision with her left hand, even though she was right handed. Or why she never wore her contacts, just those cute, goofy glasses that only magnified her beautiful, dark eyes. Or why she always chose to stick around, even though Gail had given her plenty of reasons to leave over the years.

After what seemed like only a few seconds, but could have been minutes for all she knew, Gail slipped from her hiding place and wrapped her arms around Holly's middle, kissing her in the soft spot right behind her ear before resting her head on her shoulder.

The rest of the day continued like countless others they had spent together, but Gail didn't remember that. Lying on the cold pavement in that God-forsaken alley as she quietly drifted into unconsciousness, Gail only remembered the warm, fuzzy feeling that filled her whole body. The one that she knew was because of Holly. The one that told her she had finally figured out how to love and let herself be loved in return.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hey guys! Thanks so much for all the love! I seriously cannot believe it. Wow you guys are awesome. Well here goes chapter two. I would love to hear what y'all think of it. Enjoy!

AN2: And this is where all the disclaimer nonsense goes.. Yada yada yada..

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It's Oliver who calls her. Holly isn't even sure why he has her number. The ringer is loud, too loud. It practically reverberates off the walls of her office, startling her from sleep. Maybe working late hadn't been the best idea, but she had a ton of dictations to finish and she couldn't sleep well unless Gail was with her anyways. There's something in his voice that sounds off, like he's trying too hard to stay calm, but it's too late and she is too drowsy to concentrate. It's not until Holly hears the word shot that she shoots up out of her chair, banging her knee against the underside of the desk. In the back of her mind, she always knew that this could happen. Cops don't wear Kevlar for nothing. Holly just never imagined that she would ever be on the receiving end of a phone call like this one.

The next thing she remembers is the waiting room. How she even got to the hospital is a blur. In fact, everything is a blur. Holly hardly notices the steady trickle of officers who have made their way through the doors and into the uncomfortable, straight-backed chairs. Traci brings her a cup of coffee that she doesn't drink. The cup burns her hands but she holds on tighter, desperate for something to keep her grounded when everything else is spinning out of control. She doesn't notice that Chris is pacing back and forth and Chloe is sitting on the floor chomping down on her nails. There are officers everywhere; Holly is surrounded by guns and badges and blue polyester, a site that should be comforting, but she doesn't notice that either.

When the residents come out, it takes Holly a moment to realize they are speaking to her. She tries to focus, but everything is fuzzy, like when she doesn't wear her glasses. Someone grabs her hand, pulling her back to reality. When she looks up, she sees Nick standing next to her. He guides her back to a chair and makes her sit down before explaining everything again. Gail was shot. The bullet tore through her subclavian artery. She lost a lot of blood, but they were able to stabilize her. She's in surgery now and will be for another couple of hours. Chances are she won't wake up until the following morning. She should go home. Get some sleep. Someone will come stay with her. Nick gives Holly a sad smile and squeezes her hand again. He knows there is no way she is going to leave. So they sit. And sit. And sit. Holly's not sure how long they wait, but the longer they do, the more her head spins. She pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them, just like she used to as a kid. Because maybe, if she can hold on a little bit longer, she can stop herself from shattering into pieces.

Maybe she falls asleep. Holly can't be sure. Right now everything feels stuck halfway between dreams and reality. One minute she is staring a hole through the ugly, stained carpet and the next it's as if her life flashes before her eyes. Holly sees her six year old self sitting cross-legged in one of the oversized armchairs in the living room. Her eyes had danced across the pages of Charlotte's Web, soaking in every word. Every now and then her glasses would slide down her nose, forcing Holly to set the book face down on the arm rest so she could adjust them. But she always picked the book back up. Most nights she read until she fell asleep, her dreams filled with pirates and sword fights and magical wardrobes, and woke up with a book crease on her face and the taste of magic still on her tongue.

Next she sees her parent's house, the house she grew up in. The old swing on the porch, bookshelves lining the walls of the living room and the smell of cinnamon and apple cider coming from the kitchen. There were cleats in the hallway, textbooks on the kitchen table and what seemed like a never-ending supply of chocolate chip cookies. Holly intentionally chose the room in the attic because of the skylight above her bed. There were billions upon billions of stars in the sky and on clear nights, it seemed like she could see each and every one of them.

She remembers what it had been like to grow up with two older brothers. Matty and Ethan had teased her to no end, but they were also incredibly protective. They had taught her how to ride a bike and hit a baseball. Holly had never played sports, but she loved watching her brothers play. She went to every single one of their games, whether it was football or hockey or baseball. Without question Matty and Ethan were her two favorite people on the planet and she loved them both fiercely. Sometimes it even felt like those two knew her better than she knew herself. They knew the best way to make her laugh was to bust out their impressions of Mom and Dad and that there were some days when she just wanted to be left alone.

Then there was the night Holly came out to her parents; it had been the most terrifying experience of her life. Her hands were visibly shaking and she could hear the sound of her heart beating in her chest, as if it was threatening to breakthrough her rib cage and jump out of her body. It had been one thing telling her brothers, but Mom and Dad... she cringed just thinking about what their reactions might be. Holly forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and just get it over with. After saying everything in one long breath, Holly let her head slump forward; she couldn't bear to look, to see their reactions. After what felt like hours, she felt her mom pull her into a bone crushing hug. Her dad had smiled, kissed the top of her head, and said he knew. They both knew. They had just been waiting for her to tell them. Holly wiped away the tears she didn't realize had fallen down her cheeks and breathed a huge sigh of relief. The Earth hadn't stopped spinning just because she told her parents that she was a lesbian. God hadn't struck her house with lightening. There was still hockey and ice cream and science and all the other things Holly loved. Everything was just as it was before.

But coming out to her family didn't seem to make school any easier. Holly had always been the quiet, nerdy type who walked around carrying a stack of heavy textbooks and spent her lunch period in the Library. It wasn't that she didn't like her peers. No. It was more like she didn't understand most of them. It was hard for her to understand why the other girls spent all day talking about makeup and Leonardo DeCaprio. In her mind it didn't make for good conversation, but it worked for them and that probably confused Holly the most. It's not that she didn't have any friends, she just felt that, despite her best efforts, she never really fit anywhere. College was better though and medical school, even better than that. Holly started to really understand what it felt like to trust relative strangers. To get to know them and build relationships and share secrets and stories. The normalcy of it all was exhilarating. And the medicine. Wow. Even at the beginning of first year, almost the minute she stepped into the Cadaver Lab, Holly knew it was exactly where she belonged. While everyone else spent third and fourth year agonizing over their specialties, she submitted her application the first chance she could. Sure it was a little weird that she chose Forensic Pathology. Didn't most people go into medicine to work on living people? But Holly saw it differently. She had the privilege of speaking for the dead; of telling their stories even if they couldn't. And in her opinion, there was a quiet kind of heroism in it.

Oliver's gentle shaking pulls her back into consciousness; she really had been asleep after all. The residents are back with more news. They look about as tired as Holly feels, but they seem relieved and smiles creep across their faces. The surgery went much better than expected. Gail is in recovery now and her vitals are stable. The anesthesia hasn't worn off yet, but she should be awake within the next few hours. And when they finally say that someone can follow them into recovery to see her, all eyes turn to Holly.


	3. Chapter 3

8AN: Wow guys. Thanks so much for all the love! I had no idea anyone would even like this story so yeah you guys are awesome. Seriously though, thank you doesn't cover it. So yeah here's the next chapter in this little story. Hope y'all like it!

AN2: None of the characters are mine. Only the mistakes are. Yeah, yeah yeah..

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The walk to recovery seems never ending. Holly's not even sure that she should be the first person to see Gail. It should be Steve, or Oliver, or Nick. But not her. Anyone but her. Not when she can't even stop the onslaught of thoughts and emotions that were making her sick to her stomach. But everyone had insisted and now she is being escorted down the sterile, white hallway that seems to go on into eternity. It's funny. She's walked these halls so many times, but never like this. Never as the traumatized family or next of kin. Holly's not even sure how she should be reacting. During residency she saw people cry, scream, even punch a wall or two. She always saw some kind of outward reaction. But Holly can't even react. She feels trapped inside of her own head, completely removed from the rest of the world. Usually that only happened in the morgue. She would get so lost in her work that it was almost impossible to get her attention. Gail used to make fun of her for it. Oh God. Gail. Holly told herself that thinking about her would be a mistake, but she couldn't help it.

She could still remember the first time they met. The body in the woods had been her first solo case and nerves had gotten the better of her by the time she reached the scene. Holly babbled when she was nervous and this time had been no different. It didn't help that the smart ass cop who had called her "Lunchbox", then tried to question her authority was undeniably gorgeous. Holly found it hard to look away from those piercing blue eyes and that cute little mouth that probably spat out vicious words more often than kind ones. She mentally scolded herself as she got to work. It was not the time to flirt, if she could even call that flirting. It had been more like inarticulate babbling in front of a girl who was obviously way out of her league. Her eyes had started to wander again. No. No more staring. She forced herself to focus on the pile of bones in front of her, even though it had already proven to be quite the challenge.

To make matters worse, Holly had been stuck with Officer Peck until the detectives at 15 had all the information they needed. She wasn't used to having cops in her morgue, especially ones who looked like Gail. Being there was a kind of sanctuary for Holly, a place to forget about the rest of the world. A place where she could be alone with her thoughts and focus all of her energy on solving the puzzle in front of her. Yet there was Gail, who had been a constant presence all day. Asking questions, taking notes, and throwing in a snarky comment every now and then. But surprisingly, despite the fatigue that had begun to set in, Holly had enjoyed her company and didn't like that the day was almost at its end. So when Gail started talking about cats and trees, it had taken her a second to catch up. She had never met anyone who used cat metaphors to describe relationships, never mind ones that made sense. The words had flown out of her mouth faster than her brain could process what exactly she was saying. Holly didn't talk about her sexual orientation with just anyone. Not that she struggled with it, Holly had crossed that bridge a long time ago, she just felt that her personal life was meant to be, well, personal. But with Gail it was different. Even though they had just met, Holly felt like she could trust her. The girl was crazy. There was no denying that. But there was something about her that simultaneously confused and fascinated Holly.

Because Gail Peck was a walking paradox. She could take down someone twice her size, but swinging a bat was a difficult concept for her. She was a tomboy with a shoe collection that belonged on the runway. She was a firecracker in red lipstick. She was strong, and powerful, and complicated. Gail Peck was a hurricane, beautiful in all her chaos. And Holly couldn't get enough of her.

When they reach the door, Holly isn't prepared for the sight. Tubes. Wires. Machines. Each one of them designed to keep people alive. She could tell you what each one of them was for, how they all worked, even the year they were patented. But that wasn't helping. Nothing was helping. All of those machines look far more intimidating when they're hooked up to someone you know. Someone you love. And Gail. She looks so small and broken. Nothing like the Gail who could kill people with a look just as easily as she could with a gun. The girl who had so boldly asked Holly to be her plus one to a wedding of all things. Holly loved weddings, she really did. It was just being in a room full of strangers that made her uneasy. But Gail could've asked her to the opera and she still probably would have said yes. She couldn't remember how they had ended up in the dimly lit coat closet together, but that wasn't important. That night, all she could focus on was the sound of Gail's laugh and the way her dress shimmered in the soft light. Holly was smitten. It wasn't the first time she had fallen for a straight girl, but this time… This time it was different. It was easy, and fluid, and comfortable. Sure kissing her had been stupid and impulsive, but Holly didn't care. All that had mattered was the taste of alcohol on Gail's lips and how that simple, little kiss had set her on fire.

The resident gives Holly a kind smile and tells her that she can stay as long as she likes and to let them know if she needs anything. Holly offers a half smile and a quiet thank you of her own. The chair in this room is bigger than the last one. Bigger and more comfortable. It would be perfect to curl up and read a book in. Wait. Why was she thinking about reading? She shouldn't be thinking about reading. She should have asked them questions. She should have forced herself to act like a physician instead of a victim. She should have been rational. There were so many things she should have done, but instead she had done nothing but follow orders as if she were some kind of puppet. If Holly had been the one in surgery, she knows that Gail would have kept her head. The cop in her would have taken over, just like it had countless times before. Gail loved wearing the uniform; it was one of the few things she took great pride in. She always said that she was a police officer before anything else. But lying there, stripped of the badge and gun… Holly had never seen her like this before. Never. Even though the two of them had already been through hell.

A hell that Holly had willingly let herself be dragged into the day a psycho with a personal vendetta against cops had decided to start running rampant through the streets of Toronto with his rifle. There was a freak on the loose and he was hunting them. Hunting her. Holly had never felt that kind of fear before. An all consuming fear that worked it's way into her muscles and threatened to suffocate her. She had to see Gail, make sure that she was still alive, still breathing. Within minutes, Holly was at the station with some lame excuse about dropping off an old report. It surprised her that she had even come up with one in the first place, especially considering the whirlwind of emotions that had sucked all of the rationality out of her body. But Gail had been so composed. She had just been shot at and here she was, calming Holly down. And that kiss. It was so unexpected. But God had it been perfect.

That had been the first night they spent together. The night that Gail had gotten drunk and cut all of her hair off. When she sat in the bathtub and drank bourbon because life had finally caught up to her. When she spoke about her time in the academy and what it was like to grow up in a family of cops. How she lived in constant fear of screwing up, of making a mistake that would cost someone their life. She talked about the night she was abducted. When Jerry died trying to save her. How every second of that experience had been carved into her brain. It was the first time she had ever entrusted Holly with the thoughts that haunted her every waking moment. The first time Holly had seen the dreams that tortured Gail in her sleep then disappeared with the sun, leaving no trace except for the faint circles in the hollows of her eyes. She never liked to talk about them afterwards though. Most mornings she acted as if nothing had happened. But once she did, Holly learned all about the psyche of a cop. Dreams of missing kids, suspects escaping custody, routine calls gone wrong. Dreams that ended with lifeless bodies and dead eyes. Some nights Gail woke up screaming. Other nights, gasping for breath. But some nights. Some nights Gail would wake up hearing tap shoes. And Holly soon learned that those nights, they were the worst.

It was the breathing that gave it away. The uneven, ragged breaths that pulled Holly out of sleep. She woke up to find Gail curled in on herself, muscles taut, eyes squeezed shut, her body shaking with the soft sobs she tried so hard to conceal. With each sob, Gail hugged herself tighter, wincing at even the softest of touches. Unable to think of an alternative, Holly spoke in the most soothing voice she could manage and within minutes Gail's resolve had all but vanished. She clung to Holly, her sobs filling the otherwise silent room. Holly felt tears prickle the corners of her eyes. It broke her heart knowing that there was nothing she could do. Sleep was supposed to be restful, a reprieve from the harsh light of day. But now even that had been taken away from them.

The alarm from her phone goes off, filling the room. It's 5AM. Time to get up for work. Is it really that early? When was the last time she slept? God she's tired. Maybe she should go home. Take a shower. Sleep in her own bed. But leaving doesn't seem like an option. Holly never understood why people chose not to leave this place, if only for an hour of two. Now she does. She can't bear the thought of Gail waking up alone. Alone and in pain and probably terrified. So she stays. And with her knees pulled to her chest and head against the arm rest, Holly closes her eyes and drifts off into a fitful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hey guys. Thanks so much for all the love! Like seriously... woah.

AN2: These characters aren't mine. The mistakes are. Yeah, yeah yeah...

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It hurts. Everything hurts. Gail feels like she was hit by a truck. Wait. Is that what happened? Did she really get hit by a truck? The last thing she can remember is Oliver responding to dispatch. Gail wracks her brain, trying to figure out what happened after that. It just makes everything hurt worse. Her limbs feel heavy; so heavy that she can't lift them. The last time that happened, she was being held against her will. Oh God. That can't be happening to her. Not again. She can feel her breathing speed up, causing a harsh, shooting pain in her throat. Gail forces herself to calm down and focus. She has to figure out where she is before she can even think about doing anything else. The room is bright even though her eyes are closed. And the beeping noises. She's heard them before. It sounds like she's in a hospital. Her eyes open against the harsh light and scan the scene in front of her. Yep. Definitely a recovery room.

Gail looks around for something she recognizes, anything that will help put her mind at ease. That's when she sees Holly curled up in the chair beside her bed. It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off her chest. She has no idea how in the hell she wound up in the hospital, but at least she isn't lying in a ditch somewhere. And she had Holly which always made any situation better. Gail tries to say something, anything to get Holly's attention, but it's like she's forgotten how to speak. No matter how many times she opens her mouth, no words will come out. She swallows, trying to clear her throat, but the pain is almost unbearable. Something between a yelp and a groan escapes her lips, causing Holly to stir. Her eyes open and for just a second lock with Gail's. Almost like her brain is trying to decide if Gail is real or merely a figment of her imagination.

"Holly…" The sound of her name brings her back into the present. Gail is awake. Awake and calling for her. Almost instantly Holly is sitting at the edge of the large chair, hands tightly gripping the rails on the side of the bed.

"Gail. Oh… Oh thank God. You're awake. Th-They didn't think you were gonna wake up." Holly's voice is still rough with sleep. Did she get any sleep? It sounds like it, but the dark circles under her eyes say otherwise.

"What happened? How long have I…?" The words come out no louder than a whisper.

"You got a call… Last night… Oliver. He said… He said you guys had… You had to check out… A… A house."

The memory hits Gail like a ton of bricks.

"I… I was shot." That's when Gail notices the bandage on the right side of her neck. The white gauze feels soft beneath her fingertips.

"Mmm hmm…" Holly nods, unable to stop the tears from streaming down her face. She had come so close to losing Gail. But she didn't. Gail is still here. Still alive. Holly doesn't understand how that's even possible, but right now she doesn't need to.

"I was shot. I… I remember now. I… was watching myself bleed to death and… And then I was with you. We… we were…" Gail can feel tears begin to pool at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over any minute. "We… I… I was dying… And…" She pauses for a moment to catch her breath. "I was dying and all I could think about was you."

Silence fills the air and settles itself between the pair of them. Gail can see the wheels in Holly's head turning as she mulls over the simple statement, analyzing every word as if it were evidence in a murder case. Usually she wouldn't even notice, but the combination of painkillers and her own nerves have left Gail feeling anxious and jittery.

"Okay now would be the perfect time to say something." The nerves clearly visible by the slight crack in her voice.

But Holly doesn't say anything. Instead she leans over the railing and places a feather light kiss to Gail's forehead. Then another to her lips, singlehandedly calming every ounce of nervous energy that had worked its way through Gail's body.

"I love you. You know that right? And… And the thought of… Of losing you…" But another sob chokes her up, stopping Holly before she can continue.

"Holls… Hey it's okay. I'm okay. You on the other hand… Babe when was the last time you slept?"

"I… I don't know. Couple of nights ago maybe. I'm sure I look as awful as you feel."

"You don't look that bad." Holly gives Gail a pointed look. "Okay maybe you do." Gail pauses, biting her lip. "But… I mean… you're still kinda beautiful though."

"Hey isn't that my line?"

"Yeah. I guess it is…" Gail exhales, a small smile escaping her lips. "Maybe you should go home. Get some sleep. I'll be fine here."

"No I'm gonna stay. It's not like I would be able to sleep at home anyways. Not while you're here." Holly slumps back into the armchair, exhaustion getting the better of her.

Gail grabs the railing with her right hand, pulling herself to the edge of the bed, and pats the empty space next to her.

"Come on. I'm sure they won't mind if I share my bed for a little while."

"Gail… I don't think…"

"Holly."

"But… It's against…"

"Just get up here already."

Realizing there was no way she could win this one, Holly unlatches the side rail, slides in the space next to Gail and carefully clicks the railing back into place. It reminded Holly of her college days. Two people squeezed into a small twin bed. Nice, but definitely not something she missed very much. Holly settles on her side, head against Gail's chest, left arm thrown across her middle. She can hear the slow beating of Gail's heart beneath the hospital gown. A heart that had almost stopped beating entirely. Tears trickle down Holly's cheeks again and she hates herself for it. Gail was going to be okay. Not something she should be crying over. She holds on to Gail tighter, settling herself deeper against her chest.

A comfortable silence settles between them. Holly feels herself starting to drift off as her breathing falls into the same slow rhythm as Gail's.

"Thank you." Gail's voice, still hoarse from being intubated, is barely intelligible over the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

"For what?"

"For not running."

"Why do you think I would run?" Holly sits up, turning her torso so she's facing Gail.

"Because I've given you every reason to." This is the third time in the last 24 hours that Holly finds herself speechless. Leave it to Gail to almost die, then thank her for sticking around. As if she would ever leave.

"Come here." Gail tugs on Holly's sleeve, pulling her in until their noses are almost touching. They stare at each other for just a moment before their lips meet in a tentative kiss.

"I love you Holly." Gail's piercing stare all but breaks what little composure Holly has left.

"I love you too." And with that Holly settles back against Gail's chest and within minutes falls asleep.

Gail places another kiss to the top of her head. For the first time in her life, she couldn't care less about what was going to happen. The man who shot her was still out there and who knew when she would be cleared to go back to work. But right now none of that mattered to Gail. No. All she cared about was the beautiful woman asleep in her arms.

* * *

AN: So I've decided that this is where this story ends. Not saying that there won't be more Golly stories in the future, but I think that this one has run it's course. I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me through this process. Here's to hoping and praying that our two lovely ladies finally catch a break in season 5. Cheers!


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